In case you missed the memo, I'm moving to Chicago.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I have been writing all these posts about furniture & how excited I am to decorate my apartment, and have completely skipped over the fact that I have been a not so hot hot mess. The idea of this move has become increasingly real, and with that reality comes fear.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but until recently this was all just a crazy idea I had. I talked about leaving LA for years, and in all honesty never thought it would actually happen. Somehow, it is happening. I feel like I don't quite know how I got here. Like this can't be my life. And sometimes, I feel like I don't want this to be my life. Not a good feeling. This is not a "poor me" post. I am not in debt. I am healthy. I have a mom that is willing to spend a week in Chicago with me to help me get settled. I have friends that will come visit. I have friends & sisters to video chat with when I'm lonely. I have the world's sweetest pup. He's my best friend & I could not do this without him. If only he knew what he meant to me. This little guy will be there to greet me when I come home. Because of him, I'll have someone to come home to. I love my boy.

My mom asked if I found myself feeling lonely when I was in Chicago from Feb 1 - March 10. Looking back, I wasn't lonely and did not miss LA at all. There was one weekend where I didn't have plans and really wanted to do something. I was a little lonely then. But other than that, I found my new normal and adjusted pretty quickly. I am looking for an instant best friend that will do a TV/movie night with me once a week. One that wants to do the occasional workout & maybe mani/pedi every so often. Any applicants?

The reality that I will be spending most of my time alone {with the pup, of course} is sinking in. And that is the scariest thing of all. Next to finances, of course. And spending the rest of my life alone. But let's not go there, shall we?

I debated posting this because I figured that I would get the typical "you will be ok, you are so brave" comments, and that is not what I am looking for. Your words of encouragement mean more to me than you could ever know. This move happened because I have a blog. Had I not started designing blogs, Kelsey never would have contacted me for a new design, I wouldn't have started reading her blog, we never would have planned a trip for me to come visit her, and we certainly never would have taken a road trip to Chicago. That is when it all happened. So my blog friend turned real life friend was there the moment my entire life changed. I believe she saw it happen. I broke down my final day in Indiana because I knew that my life would soon change forever.

There are ultimately two reasons why I decided to write this post.

1. I want to document these feelings. What I am about to do is one of the biggest things that I will ever do in my lifetime. I want to look back on this in a few months and see how far I've come. Let's hope that's the case.

2. Someone may be going through what I am going through, and may find strength in what I am doing. Just know this. I am no stronger than you. I am not brave. I am just a girl who hit a breaking point and needed a change. A year ago, I never would have had it in me to do this. I honestly don't feel like I have it in me now. It took being completely miserable to get here. So my advice to you is to change your life if you are unhappy. Do not sit it out. Do not waste another moment.

Boxes have been packed. My sofa & mattress have been ordered. Movers have been scheduled. This is happening, and it's happening soon.

The last time I lived in Chicago, the ground was covered in snow, and there was an average temp of 25-35 degrees. It was freezing, and was the time of year that most people despise. But I fell in love with the windy city, and it is my belief that if you can fall in love with something when it's at its worst, it just might be true love.


  1. " it is my belief that if you can fall in love with something when it's at its worst, it just might be true love." - I love that!

    No advice or "You'll be fines" because I know you will be.

    I will say, next time I fly to Uk we are stopping by Chicago to break up the trip and I am so excited!!


  2. Although I am definitely a country girl at heart, there is something magical about the Windy City. I live about 90 miles from Chicago and don't get to go nearly as often as I would like. You are so lucky to be in this position and I think once you get there, you will see that more and more! Best of luck!

  3. I totally think you are brave! And I'm so jealous, I really wish I could pick up and move somewhere new! Can't wait to keep reading as your Chicago adventure unfolds!

  4. I think there is something amazing about living in a big city while you are young and figuring everything out. I wish SO much that I would have done it, and if I would have, I would have chosen Chicago. I'm sure its scary now, but if you've lived there before then you already have a leg up on the situation! Good luck - I hope you love it!!

  5. Girl, this is going to be the best thing EVER for you and soooo excited for you!!! Love you!! :)

  6. hooray for you! chicago is the bees knees:)

  7. i'm so happy for you! i know it must be scary, but so glad you are doing it! soak it all in!!

  8. You are the little engine that could. Now keep on keeping on, friend! I am proud of you!

  9. You can do it woman and you will be fantastic!

    So tell us all about it and have fun along the journey :-)

  10. i LOVE this post. so honest. and you ARE brave.

    and, i know you know this but i'll say it again, i know exactly how you feel since we are both in very similar boats....except i don't get to bring my pup with me :( (thankfully it's only for a year and he'll be in 6 pair of very loving hands, otherwise i couldn't do it).